Fashion F*cktard of the Week

*Note: This is (probably) not a weekly series.

A beast with a heart- and body- of gold

I spotted the elusive Glitterbeast at the local watering hole, gold sequins sparkling menacingly beneath its dark fur. Crouched safely in my corner booth, I observed it in its natural state as it consumed colorful cocktails and flailed around the habitat. When threatened, the Glitterbeast is known to arch its back and shoot razor-sharp sequins at attackers which embed in the attacker’s skin and spread until their whole body sparkles.

This is where Edward Cullen really came from, ladies.