Things I Would Invent If I Had Time

July 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

Time-Release Alcohol.

Have you ever puked in a taxi? Are you tired of getting drunk way too fast? Do you routinely embarrass yourself by getting knocked out in drunken bar fights?

You need Time Release Alcohol! Never play catch-up again! Now you can pound beers like a pro. Go shot for shot with the town drunk. Most importantly, never get a DUI or get hit by a drunk driver ever again!

Time release alcohol monitors your body temperature. When you drink, your body temperature rises signaling the alcohol to lie dormant. When you stop drinking, as your body temperature returns to normal, the alcohol is slowly released giving you a chance to get home and in bed before the drunkenness kicks in.

Drink all you want with your friends, but never again go home with a mutant! Puke in the comfort of your own home. Avoid humiliating photos, Sharpie face and fierce drunk driving penalties. Time release alcohol. Coming soon!

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