How to Peel a Banana
May 25, 2011 § 2 Comments
1) Spend 5 minutes picking the “right” banana.
2) Try not to think about other banana shaped things.
3) Wrestle the chosen banana from the Mega Stem that cements the entire bunch together in a fist of banana solidarity.
4) Wrench the stem stub back and forth in an attempt to break the peel seal.
5) Explain to whoever just walked in that you’re just trying to open the banana.
6) Counter the impending dirty joke with more lewd gestures.
7) Finally crack the peel seal.
8) Pull down to expose banana meat.
9) Repeat step 8 as needed.
10) Realize you don’t actually want the banana because
- your mind has warped and ruined the banana.
- someone else is in the room and there’s no clean, unsexy way to eat a banana.
- you’re alone and it almost seems dirtier to eat the banana without the awkward commentary.
11) Throw banana away and grab a peach.
12) Fuck. This fruit looks like a butt and/or cleavage.