Suicide Notes I Would Tweet from a Hotel Bathroom

March 16, 2011 § Leave a comment

Charlie Sheen’s rockstar life is going well, especially for his porn star lovah who locked herself in a hotel bathroom (how original. Ladies, why is it always the bathroom?) and began tweeting her imminent demise. Boo hoo. Unfortunately, she survived because it was all probably a cry for attention since her porn site is bo-ring and not satisfying her daddy issues.

If I were tweeting about passive aggressively killing myself in a hotel bathroom, it might go like this:

“I don’t know if these pills mix with this fifth of Jack.”

“I pulled apart my Venus so I can make little nicks… I wish I was brave.”

“Hotel security is pretty hot, but I’m not unchaining the door”

“Jack and Jimmy are the only men who ever loved me.”

“Green pills or yellow pills? Left handful or right. You decide!”

“I wish Charlie was here. PAY ATTENTION TO ME!”

“Ha ha you can’t FORCE anyone into therapy.”

“Should they find me in the tub, on the toilet or curled up under the sink?”

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