A Few Questions for Bruno Mars

February 27, 2011 § 1 Comment

Hey Bruno Mars,

Is that your real name? I don’t think it is, but is it? It sounds like a candy bar made out of dead janitors.

Would you really catch a grenade for anyone? Knowingly? I mean, if it didn’t kill you, it would deform you pretty badly and that wouldn’t at all impress the girl you’re trying to impress by writing songs about her. Although, she may stay with you out of guilt, I guess.

What do you mean by “grenade” anyway? See, there’s a new definition of that word since Jersey Shore started vomiting out of MTV. I’m not really sure what it means in the Jersey Shore context, but I believe it to be less violent and/or painful. So what kind of grenade are we talking here?

Do you know how painful it is to put a blade through your hand? Seriously. I’ve seen a lot of magicians mess up this trick where there’s a broken glass bottle in a paper bag and other paper bags around so he doesn’t know which one except he does because he’s a magician, right? He’s supposed to slam his hand down on all the paper bags but the dangerous one. When he messes up, it’s horrible, bloody agony. Seriously. Youtube it.

What’s your opinion of using website names as verbs?

Did you catch that grenade? Are you done yet?

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