Princely Prophylactics

February 11, 2011 § 1 Comment


The new faces of sexual role playing?

Ladies, this is as close as you’re going to get to Prince Charming.

Combining the strength of a Prince with the yielding sensitivity of a Princess-to-be, Crown Jewels condoms promise a royal union of pleasure. Truly a King amongst Condoms.

They’re the condoms Disney would have invented if Disney advocated the existence of genitals. They probably come with their own theme song that’s heavy on the trumpets.

Hugh Pomfret, a spokesman from Crown Jewels Condoms of Distinction, said of the launch:

“Crown Jewels Royal Wedding Souvenir prophylactics are a unique way to remember this great British occasion. All at Crown Jewels have worked tirelessly to craft these heirloom quality love sheaths. In years to come, they will be a timeless memento of a magical wedding day.”

“Son, these are the condoms your mother and I used on our wedding night. On this, the day of your wedding, I reach into my wallet and bestow upon you my crown jewels.”

The wrapper wrinkled and kind of disintegrating around the edges, the young groom forces an awkward smile.


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