Responses to Questions Asked by Women’s Magazines
January 27, 2011 § Leave a comment
Oh my god. My ex had the most entertaining chin and neck. A couple days after he shaved, I would get all up in his sexy stubble with tweezers on a hunt for “mutant hairs” (or “muteys” as we affectionately called them). Basically, he would lay there, grudgingly tolerating me while I poked around 2 inches from his face looking for really thick, dark hairs. When I found one, I would gasp excitedly and pluck it out. Then I would show him the super gross and abnormally enormous follicle before sticking them to one of his knuckles and continuing the hunt. When he had enough of my torture, I’d beg for just one more. Then we would look at the mutey collection on the back of his hand for the best one and declare it King Mutey.
I find if I just don’t get off the couch, there’s no risk of eating at all. I just lie here all day watching reruns of Top Chef and it feels like eating enough that I still have the energy to keep lying here. When I feel like I might be getting too weak to move, I just eat some skin flakes from my lips or scalp.
I’ve got a bigger question for you, Marie Claire. Why is this article from June appearing in your Latest News spot? I think you’ve taken too many lazy girl tips.
Oh God! I can’t even get out of bed in the morning until my team of highly trained specialists descends upon my bedroom SWAT style with their blow dryers and tiny makeup brushes. It’s like an operating room until my hair is perfectly coifed and my lips are shellacked in color and shiny goo. I need at least 3 coats of blush before I’m even ready to go into the kitchen to discover that I need milk! What kind of barbarians are you, Glamour?