The 12 Hours of Thanksgiving

November 24, 2010 § Leave a comment

In the first hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me a lecture on monogamy.

In the second hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the third hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the fourth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the fifth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the sixth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the seventh hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the eighth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me eight accomplishments of an obscure cousin, seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the ninth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me nine blind date requests, eight accomplishments of an obscure cousin, seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the tenth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me ten ounces of shame (pie!), nine blind date requests, eight accomplishments of an obscure cousin, seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the eleventh hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me eleven embarrassing childhood photos, ten ounces of shame (pie!), nine blind date requests, eight accomplishments of an obscure cousin, seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

In the twelfth hour of Thanksgiving my family gave to me twelve months of self loathing, eleven embarrassing childhood photos, ten ounces of shame (pie!), nine blind date requests, eight accomplishments of an obscure cousin, seven ways my sister is better than me, six reasons not to reach for seconds, five baby name suggestions! Four scowling frowns, three guilt trips, two backhanded compliments and a lecture on monogamy.

Happy Thanksgiving, humans! (Sorry, turkeys, ducks and chickens)

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