Like a Fat Kid Loves Cake

November 6, 2010 § Leave a comment

Look at the subtle spongey texture. The delicate moistness of it. Oh my God… it even has buttercream frosting.

I’m terrified that people will judge me for eating cake, however, I believe that if no one sees you eating it, the calories don’t count.

When leftover cake appears in the conference room, I become a buttercream ninja. I wait until the room is deserted. I stalk the hall quickly, quietly, listening for footsteps or the meeting of coffee mug and cake table. The room is empty. I STRIKE! Backflipping into the room, I grab a knife upside-down in midair and SLICE a chunk of cake. Meanwhile, my feet unroll and shear a bunch of paper towels from their roll and when I land, I wrap the cake in paper towel and origami that sucker into unassuming paper tupperware before spidercrawling back to my office on the ceiling.

My dream is to one day have an entire wedding cake all to myself…

in a dark room…

(don’t come in!)

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