How to Kill a Zombie (with Gingerbread)

December 14, 2009 § 4 Comments

Disclaimer: Do not try try this with a real zombie unless forced to fight. These models are safe as they only feed on gingerbrains.

Meet Mr. Gingerdead.

Ouch. Your unlife looks painful.

He was born a lump of dough, but when I put him in the oven, something went wrong. The heat killed him almost instantly, but as he baked, his gooey chewy heart began to beat. By the time he cooled, we had a little monster on our hands who threatened to devour the gingerbrains of the entire batch.

Because zombies are decomposing anyway, any liquid helps speed up the process. A vat of acid is preferred, however for my little buddy, a glass of milk serves equivalent.

Does it burn? Muahahaha!

Immobilizing a zombie is key. If they can’t chase you, the threat factor reduces significantly and they’re a lot of fun to dismember slowly. Remember, he’d do the same to you if the shoe were on the other…erm…rotting, clove-swollen appendage.

Not so good with balance, are you?

Once you’ve essentially frozen your predator in its grave, feel free to completely dismember the damn thing. Let the zombie be the one screaming for once.


Don’t forget to hose him down again if he gets too unruly. There’s no more golden a sound than a zombie gurgling acid until there’s nothing but sweet sweet silence and the stench of burning flesh to keep you company.

Guurrggglle...Gguurrgg...Gggu... ...

There’s really nothing more hilarious than a still “live” zombie head lying there helplessly gaping at you like some pathetic fish you hooked and are debating throwing back. Go ahead. Laugh in its face (watch that undead breath, though. Fortunately this guy was made of insect-ridden sugar and undead spice so it wasn’t terribly unpleasant).

Muahahaha! Defeated!


§ 4 Responses to How to Kill a Zombie (with Gingerbread)

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s

What’s this?

You are currently reading How to Kill a Zombie (with Gingerbread) at Alison Heller.


%d bloggers like this: