CoronaRita Floats (You’re Welcome, Summer)

Here’s what happened. Ben & Jerry’s introduced a new Limited Batch flavor, Key Lime Pie. Key Lime Pie just happens to be me and Justin’s favorite dessert. Naturally I shared a mug shot of the pint with him so he could scour the grocery for one. I also suggested we try adding a scoop to a Corona to make some kind of Corona float. Unable to find the ice cream in any of our local freezer aisles, I decided it was time to test out the ice cream maker attachment for Blanche, my KitchenAid mixer.

With Justin, my personal flavor-ologist, at my side with a bag of limes and a knack for twisting (pun definitely intended) raw ingredients into wicked dishes, we took to the kitchen…

And bam! Your summer just got sweeter.

Procure:

1/2 cup fresh lime juice (approximately 5 limes)
3 T Tequila
2 T Orange Liqueur
1 T Orange Juice
1 1/2 C Confectioner’s Sugar
1 pint heavy cream

Combine all wet ingredients in a medium bowl.
Slowly add confectioner’s sugar, dissolving completely.
Transfer mixture to KitchenAid bowl and mix on “Stir” speed.
Add heavy cream.
Mix for 2-3 minutes until smooth and creamy, but not stiff.

It’ll look something like this. Roll up your sleeves; it’s messy!

Transfer ice cream batter into KitchenAid freezer bowl.
Mix on “Stir” speed for 20-30 minutes.
Transfer ice cream into a shallow, air-tight container and freeze for 2-4 hours.

Rim margarita glass with raw sugar and sea salt (optional).

Mix some Club Soda, 7-Up and Limeaid in a shaker and fill your margarita glass halfway.

Stick a generous scoop of Margarita ice cream right into the center and then fill the glass to the brim with Corona.

Coronarita with margarita ice cream

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book: French Toast

Toasty, sweet, delish and cheap!

Breakfast is the most delicious meal ever, but eh. Who wants to go through all the hassle of whisking, cooking, flipping, and then cleaning all the syrup off of everything… Blah! This may be my laziest recipe yet!

You will need:
Bread
Butter
Syrup

1) Toast bread.
2) Apply butter
3) Dip in syrup.
4) Nom!

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book: Spaghetti Tacos

MexItalian Goodness

If you’re a Lazy Girl like me, you probably have no clean dishes or forks. This can pose a problem when you’re craving pasta. Luckily, I have a solution that doesn’t involve cleaning!

You will need:

Noodles
Sauce
Taco Shells

1) Boil water.

2) Throw in some noodles and let them boil until they look more like noodles than sticks.

3) Heat up the sauce.

4) Mix sauce and noodles together.

5) Put them in taco shells and call it a Mexican Italian fusion.

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book- Bagel Pizzas

When was the last time you had a bagel pizza? The answer should be, “5 minutes ago” or, “I’m eating one right now.” Otherwise something is wrong. SO preheat that oven to 350 ° and get ready for your tastebuds to be begging on their knees.

Oh, Hell Yes.

You Will Need:
1 bagel
Some spaghetti sauce
Shredded cheese
Whatever toppings

1) Did you preheat the oven yet? I’ll wait.

2) Spread some sauce on both halves of your bagel.

3) Sprinkle some cheese on that sauce. Little more. More. Good.

4) I found leftover turkey meatballs in my fridge. Aww Yeah! But you can put whatever you want on top. Or just more cheese.

5) Place those puppies on a cookie sheet and pop them in the oven for 10 minutes.

6) Enjoy with a glass of Cab Sauv because we are classy bitches.

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book

This is the first recipe in what I hope will be a series of Lazy Girl Recipes. It was kind of inspired by Pierre Herme’s Ketchup Macarons.

Today, I’m going to be “making” (I use that term loosely) Potato Chip & Ketchup Macarons. Macarons are 90% technique and skill (words not in the Lazy Girl’s vocabulary) and 10% ingredients.

These tasty, salty, snack-ready macarons are 100% ingredients and require absolutely no skill at all.

Potato Chip and Ketchup Macarons

You Will Need:
1 bag of potato chips, any flavor, shape or style
1 bottle of ketchup, preferably a squeeze bottle

1) Lay out some potato chips on a plate.

2) Put some ketchup in the middle of the chips.

3) Top with another potato chip.

4) Eat your Potato Chip & Ketchup Macarons in your underwear while flipping between Real Housewives of Wherever and a Slap Chop infomercial because you can’t decide if the Slap Chop guy is sexy. Is he? He kind of is. Nah.

The Most Complicated Recipe That Will Probably Make You Vom

This is my interpretation of David Lebovitz’s interpretation of Pierre Herme’s recipe for Ketchup Macarons. Yes, French cookies made of ketchup. And they think Americans put ketchup on everything?

Great with cookies!

First, buy a food scale because converting grams into cups & teaspoons did not happen nicely. Be prepared to eyeball the lines between ounces a lot.

Disclaimer: All measurements and temperatures were converted. They are approximate and likely wrong.

You need to make the cookies in 3 parts- mixture, meringue and filling. Clear your schedule. Macarons are more about technique than knowing how to bake. They’re easy to mess up, hard to fix and these particular ones probably won’t taste good anyway. Feel free to scratch this now and invest in a tube of Tollhouse.

Still here, really? Ok…

The almond mixture:
5oz powdered almonds
5oz powdered sugar
2 egg whites
1/2 oz red food coloring

The meringue:
5oz granulated sugar
1.5oz water
2 egg whites

1. Sift together powdered almonds and powdered sugar. Add one set of egg whites and food coloring, but do not stir them together for some reason.

2. Grab a saucepan and a candy thermometer. Cook the granulated sugar and water to 240°F. Whip the whites in a mixing bowl until they form “soft peaks” or until they at least stand up on the end of the mixer because we’re making cookies, not doing a Bob Ross landscape. Once the syrup hits a skin grafting 245°F, pour it over the remaining egg whites and keep on whipping.

3. Whip, whip, whip the whites until the temperature drops to 120°F.

4. Fold in almond mixture.

5. Using a pastry bag with a plain tip, pipe 3.5cm rounds onto parchment-lined baking sheets. Once piped, let the rounds sit for 30 minutes to develop a crust.

6. Pre-heat the oven the 350°F. I forgot until just now.

7. Bake the macarons for about 12 minutes, during which time, Lebovitz says to “rapidly open the door twice.”

According to Lebovitz:

The instructions said to Laissez cuire 12mn en ouvrant rapidement 2 fois la porte du four, which seemed to be right before they’re done.

What the hell, French chefs? Is it really necessary to take a heat blast to my face and startle the poor cookies?

8. Remove from oven. Once cool, remove cookies from baking sheet. Keep them out of reach of the dog while you make…

The filling:
1.5oz cornichons (French for Gherkin… pickles. The cookie recipe wants pickles.)
3 sheets of gelatin
2.5 cups Heinz ketchup
4-5 drops hot sauce

1. Rinse pickles and pat dry. Dice pickles into tiny cubes.

2. Soak the gelatin in cold water for 15 minutes.

3. Remove the gelatin and melt it in a saucepan over low heat or zap it in the microwave until just until melted. Mix in 1/4 of the ketchup. Now add the rest. Stir in the pickles and a few drops of hot sauce, to taste.

4. Pipe filling onto one macaron cookie and sandwich another on top. Give it a little twist to seal it nicely.

5. Chill for an hour, until the filling is set.

You should get something that looks like this:

Ketchup Macarons by David Lebovitz

Lebovitz said he “could imagine these as a savory-sweet hors d’œuvre.”

I can imagine them as super pretentious dog treats or one of those foods you run up to your friends raving about and then film them spitting the cookies out all over each other.