Grilled Cheese Tasting: A How To

Much has been written about the arts of wine and chocolate tasting (both of which I indulged in over the weekend). However, the most refined palates simply must learn the required method of sampling an exquisite fromage grillé. Please, allow me to guide you into the world of toasted cheese as you’ve never experienced it before.

I earned all my credentials at the Big Cheesy event at Openhouse NYC

Tasting always begins with the eyes. Note the color of the bread. Is it golden or a deep bronze? Is it completely burnt? Does the butter give the bread a wet sheen, a just-kissed gloss or a saturated spongy soppiness? What of the cheese? Is it peeking from the edges, bubbling softly or is it rolling like magma onto the plate? Lastly, pay attention to the cut. Whether your sample is a square, triangle, circle or star, it has been specifically crafted that way for a reason.

Aroma: Get your nose right between the slices and into the sandwich. What do you notice? (Did you burn your nose? Wipe that cheese off.)

The Crunch: Sink your teeth into it. A good toasted cheese sandwich should have a signature crunch. A great sandwich boasts a thin, yet substantial topical crust with soft bread and cheese blending in the center.  Some prefer a harder crunch throughout the bread juxtaposed by the soft meltiness of the cheese center.

A cold beer pairs well with grilled cheese and cleanses the palate.

Meltiness: This is a crucial factor in tasting grilled cheese. Is the cheese melted properly? There’s nothing worse than partially melted or still-solid chunks of cheese interrupting an otherwise enjoyable experience. Keep in mind, different cheeses and/or combinations of cheese melt differently.

Bread to Cheese Ratio: There should not be too much bread. Likewise, there should not be too much cheese. This is a delicate balance. In the case of stronger cheeses, toasted-cheesemongers may use less cheese with a combination of fillers like spinach, ham, mushrooms or other additions that will compliment the cheese without overpowering the sandwich.

A Toasty Trio by Little Muenster

Flavor: You should already know your cheeses, of course, so pay attention to the notes in cheese combinations. If there are any additional ingredients like vegetables, sauces or meats, identify them and ruminate on what they bring to the overall experience as well as how they blend individually.

Pairings: If your sample comes with a pairing, try it. With wine, sip after each bite. If it’s a shot of soup, try both dipping the grilled cheese into the soup and sipping the soup after a clean bite. If the sandwich is topped with a relish or other pairing, do not remove it. When in doubt, ask the server how the sample is intended to be tasted.

Hungry? If you’re ready to put your newly acquired tasting skills to the test (you’re welcome, by the way), try some of the best grilled cheese shops in New York and Philadelphia.

I recommend Little Muenster as the best I’ve ever tasted or Melt Shop, which took the title of Best Grilled Cheese in New York City at The Big Cheesy Event. Try all 7 contenders listed here.

In Philadelphia, try the grilled cheese at the South Philly Tap Room. Visit World Cafe Live and ask for the Featured Grilled Cheese. For more Philly favorites, follow this list.

Google Alerts That Would Actually Be Useful

Alert: An ex Googled your name. Google Search displayed your most recent successes and top 10 hottest photos.

Alert: Those flirty photos you sent have appeared on what appears to be a pornographic website. Contact site owner now?

Alert: 1245 middle aged “Girl Collectors” have added you to their Circles on Google+. Would you like to block them now?

Alert: Your “Sent Mail” folder contains items over 5 years old, most of which are super embarrassing. Empty folder now?

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book: French Toast

Toasty, sweet, delish and cheap!

Breakfast is the most delicious meal ever, but eh. Who wants to go through all the hassle of whisking, cooking, flipping, and then cleaning all the syrup off of everything… Blah! This may be my laziest recipe yet!

You will need:
Bread
Butter
Syrup

1) Toast bread.
2) Apply butter
3) Dip in syrup.
4) Nom!

Official Color of 2012

It’s that time again! Pantone has selected Tangerine Tango as the official color of 2012.

Sophisticated but at the same time dramatic and seductive, Tangerine Tango is an orange with a lot of depth to it,” said Leatrice Eiseman, executive director of the Pantone Color Institute®. “Reminiscent of the radiant shadings of a sunset, Tangerine Tango marries the vivaciousness and adrenaline rush of red with the friendliness and warmth of yellow, to form a high-visibility, magnetic hue that emanates heat and energy.

Tangerine Tango conjures images of dancing citrus painting over memories of hookers in Mexico. It’s a rush of  passion and the color of the morning-after headache. It says, “I’m dangerous!” in that desperate way internet girls post Myspace angled photos to accentuate their breasts in an attempt to distract men from the fact that they can’t carry on a remotely intelligent conversation. This color pairs well with Walnut Waltz and Rhubarb Rumba.

Fashion F*cktard of the Week

*Note: This is (probably) not a weekly series.

A beast with a heart- and body- of gold

I spotted the elusive Glitterbeast at the local watering hole, gold sequins sparkling menacingly beneath its dark fur. Crouched safely in my corner booth, I observed it in its natural state as it consumed colorful cocktails and flailed around the habitat. When threatened, the Glitterbeast is known to arch its back and shoot razor-sharp sequins at attackers which embed in the attacker’s skin and spread until their whole body sparkles.

This is where Edward Cullen really came from, ladies.

Lazy Girl’s Recipe Book: Spaghetti Tacos

MexItalian Goodness

If you’re a Lazy Girl like me, you probably have no clean dishes or forks. This can pose a problem when you’re craving pasta. Luckily, I have a solution that doesn’t involve cleaning!

You will need:

Noodles
Sauce
Taco Shells

1) Boil water.

2) Throw in some noodles and let them boil until they look more like noodles than sticks.

3) Heat up the sauce.

4) Mix sauce and noodles together.

5) Put them in taco shells and call it a Mexican Italian fusion.

Inappropriate Halloween Costumes II

I did one of these last year, but the selections of 2011 are just so phenomenally slutty, I had to bring it back.

Caution: Duck Face

New this year, the slutty construction worker throws the caution tape to the wind. It looks like the only thing under construction recently were her breasts.

Seriously?

First of all, this costume lacks the front butt signature of the rodent star in the world’s most annoying marketing campaign of all time. However, at least you’ll know up front that the girl rocking this at a party probably has the intelligence of a rodent, drives a dorm room on wheels and very likely might be a closet furry.

Fruitful costume

I guess when you can’t produce a decent costume idea, raid your local grocery. Unless you have a group of friends dressing up like fruit flies, this “fruit cup” costume is pretty seedless. Also, lemony nipples? Not so appealing.

WTF...

Really? If I ran into this on the street, my head would explode. What ARE you? Some kind of children’s show star grown up and deranged? A slutty muppet? A Japanese game show host? I don’t even know what to do with this.

The Successful Day Checklist

If I get 5 points, it’s a good day. (Doesn’t sound like much, but it’s a tough list!)

There was cake (+ 1 for ice cream too) ___

Someone complimented me (+2 if it was a stranger) ___

I walked Muldoon (+1 if we stayed out for more than 45 mins) ___

I wrote something (+1 for blog stuff; +5 for a poem; +10 for a good poem) ___

Metalocalypse was on (+2 for Dethtroll; +4 for Banana Stickers) ___

There were no bug sightings in the house ___

Someone at work said I did a good job (+5 if it was one of my brilliant ideas) ___

I had time to play video games ___

GodDaddy of Doritos Dies

Yes, the father of flavor-dusted fingers has gone to the big mostly-air-filled bag in the sky.

[Arch]West, the Father of the Dorito, died last Tuesday of natural causes at the age of 97 in Dallas’s Presbyterian Hospital. A graveside service is planned for the morning of Oct. 1 at Restland Memorial Park… where [his family members] plan on tossing a few Doritos in along with the dirt that will cover his urn. [via Gawker]

Boy, that makes this Super Bowl commercial a little awkward.

Of course, this crunchy news begs the question: What do I want to be buried with?

When I die, bury me next to Ole Reliable, my lifelong love. Cover my grave with parmesan Goldfish crackers so birds will visit me and I won’t be lonely.

Bury me with the following:
A spoon (just in case)
A copy of Keeping Things Whole by Mark Strand
A photo of Jake Gyllenhaal with no shirt on circa the filming of Prince of Persia
My sad banana bracelet
A bottle of half decent whiskey
All of my Moleskine Citybooks
A thing of those light green tic tacs

When Cheese Flies…

Aside from being the future of communication, it now appears that pigeons can produce “milk.” I’m a little creeped out that every instance of the word “milk” is cradled in suspicious quotes… nevertheless, it appears that our little winged survival kits have evolved to provide sustenance during the impending apocalypse.

The researchers found that those pigeons which lactate to feed their young tend to have genes which encourage the production of antioxidants and immune proteins.

There you go. Pigeon “milk” will probably make you invincible. Stock up on your flock. Start making pigeon cheese and maybe even create your own avian ice cream (human milk ice cream didn’t make it).